Dealing with a Difficult Relationship – A Process for Change

A friend of mine recently was having trouble with her daughter-in-law. There were all kinds of accusations about my friend not helping enough, not doing things with the grandchildren, etc., none of which were actually true, and which were obviously excuses or ways to rationalize a deeper agenda. My friend was at her wit’s end about how to best handle this.

 When we are emotionally mired in a situation ourselves it can be hard to get any nice, clear guidance about how to handle it. Our emotions can plug up the pathways through which good guidance would normally come to us. 

 Friends can be a big help with this because from their uninvolved place they can tune in and get suggestions for us. I listened within as we talked to see if something might come through for my friend.

 The only thing that popped up was the familiar concept that the most effective way to solve a problem is not at the level at which it was created or is presently operating, but rather from a greater perspective. The teaching story about the spiritual teacher who tells his student to put salt in a glass of water and taste it, and then to put the same amount of salt into a lake and taste it, is an example of this idea of putting things in a larger context where we are not so overwhelmed by the immediate negative effects of the difficulty.

 I passed this concept and story on to her, but I also agreed to let her know if any more specific guidance, or an idea that might help with the situation, came to me later.

 Voila! The next morning something presented itself, and it seems like something that could be used in a number of situations, so here it is for all of you as well.



 1) Think of what the person’s “cosmic address” is, usually their full name. For this process, you are dealing with their cosmic self, not the everyday mundane self.

 2) Make the statement, “_____(name)______ , you are safe.”

 3) Repeat this statement 10 times (using your fingers is a good way to keep track) and repeat that cycle 10 times a day. This will equal 100 repetitions a day. Note that the message is being sent to their cosmic or etheric self – without focusing on the everyday person that you are having the difficulty with.

 4) Do this for 10 consecutive days. This will yield 1,000 repetitions.

 5) Nothing else is needed. The process will do the work. Just accept the changes that result as they emerge. (Of course some gratitude and appreciation is always a good thing, too!)


 The process just came without explanation, but the following is why it also makes sense to me that it is a good one.

 The statement, “____, you are safe,” addressed the core reason for the woman’s aggressive behavior. Probably beginning at an early age, when she felt unsafe she developed the defense of manipulating people around her as a way to protect her own well being. When she was not able to overpower someone through manipulation, the only way to feel safe was to ostracize them (which was the present situation with my friend). So the “you are safe” statement addressed this head on.

 The number of repetitions given by the guidance made sense in that there is a certain magic in 1,000 repetitions. In teaching musical instruments and other skills, we have learned that 1,000 repetitions is the number at which a skill is fully internalized. 100 times a day for 10 consecutive days is a good way to do this. So I am guessing that is why the guidance was for that number.

 I hope you have lots of success with this process. I would be happy to hear about it, if you give it a try. Email: To life!

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